why bother?

I find myself surrounded by irresponsible grown men...and paying the price for every single one of them.  What does this all mean? 

I just pray I can raise my own son to be a responsible man.  One who loves God.  who loves his wife.  and children.

it hurts to see them all wasting away.  are we too controlling?  should we just let them fall?  let them fail?  flat on their faces? 

i'm taking my name off the title.  if they take it away, so be it.  if they boot it, so be it.  if they put out a warrant and the warning is not heeded because he just can't remember to take care of it.  whatever.  I can't continue to save grown men from their own beds.

some of them make a slow turn well into their thirties.  others don't ever.  but everything up until then...utterly, painfully...agonizingly...wasted.  So many of their loved-one's resources, efforts set ablaze.  With not a second thought.  No remorse.  No conscience.  No apologies. 

so why do we keep caring?  why don't we just save ourselves?  because we're designed to nurture.  to save.  to always keep the hope that they'll pull through.  And maybe take care of themselves one day.  And then maybe take care of someone else too, some day.

My prayer:  Lord God, thank You for giving me a heart that cares.  A heart that wants to see Your best in the lives of the people around me.  Even if it means I myself get burned a thousand times.  Thank You for the example You set here on earth.  I faithfully follow the call on my life to love; thank You for numbering all of my days.  Thank you for placing the people in my life who need You most.  May they always see Jesus in me.  Amen. 

My own battle with addiction

"He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,

and broke their chains in pieces."

~Psalms 107:14 NKJV



December 23, 2012 was the day I quit smoking cigarettes.  I only remember because it was the last church service my little brother attended with me.  My husband and I had just had a distinct conversation about addiction.  We concluded, "how can we expect him to quit shooting heroin if we can't even quit smoking??"  My brother had barely made it through service; he nods off when he's high.  He nodded off a whole lot during that morning's 9am service.  We get back to the car in the parking lot, after service, and he starts to light up a cigarette; I snap at him, "what are you doing?"  He retorts, "what?" 

"Can you please not light up in the church parking lot, for goodness sakes??" 
"Sorry..."

I drop him back off at our parents' house; he's wasn't working at the time because he couldn't be trusted with any money.  We thought maybe that would prevent him from using.  It instead just made him more conniving.  He found ways to sneak around, lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, anything it took to score one hit.  It's still a mystery how much he has stolen from my parents.  The last time my dad asked him to leave, he found credit card statements a month later with cash-advances charged by my brother on grocery runs.  Since my dad is disabled, I'm sure it was easier to have my brother run into the store to pick up a gallon of milk for my son, on the days that they would help watch him while I was at work.  He took full advantage.  We're still not completely sure how he did it.  My dad thought it was safe to hand him the plastic instead of cash.  That day my dad asked him to leave, he was just in the next room.  My brother often stepped out back to smoke a cigarette.  My mom had gotten home early from work, and noticed the car was missing from the street, where it was normally parked to the side of the house.  My dad was completely baffled.  How did he sneak the keys from the pocket of my dad's pants?  How did he leave without him hearing?  How long had he been gone?  How did he get the money?  Who is he getting it from?  How did he get in contact with the dealer?  How many times has a drug dealer been to our house and know where we live?  Seen our nice cars parked in the driveway?  How? What? Where? How many?  How long?  WHY?????

So much effort has been expended into investigating my brother's schemes.  We're all so worn out.  Burned out.  Starting to feel numb by the constant presence of the devil in my brother's midst.  He allows the darkness into all of our lives, by allowing it into his own.  It's so unfair. 

They say quitting cigarettes is harder than quitting heroin.  I wouldn't know, because I've never been on heroin.  But I do know they allow cigarettes in prison.  They allow cigarettes in rehab.  And I've heard it's because it's impossible to treat nicotine addiction.  That's why all of these cigarette companies have been able to figure out how to capitalize on it further...by providing a "safer" alternative.  I agree the vapor/e-cigs are "safer" than regular cigarettes that contain tobacco and a gazillion toxic chemicals, but it is still an addiction.  It's still substance abuse.  I pray it doesn't create a new phenomenon of an accepted form of substance abuse, like so many other habits that have been integrated into society.

I decided I was going to lay it at Jesus' feet.  And see if He could help me quit.  {of course, He did!}Every time I had an urge, I prayed "Lord, I lay it at Your feet.  Please take it from me."  I had recalled this intriguing, very well-written blog post (I wish I could remember the blog title or blogger's name, so that I could bookmark it) in which she compared our giving up an idol as a sacrifice to Him.  She described how we could set it on fire, just as people had done in the Old Testament, and offer it to God as a sacrifice, and that the aroma would be pleasing to Him.  Craving by craving, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month...The Lord helped me resist each temptation.  I have not taken one drag of a cigarette since before that day.  I was not going to be made a hypocrite.  If it's not good enough for my church's parking lot, it's not good enough for God, and He expects more of me.  I answer to a Higher Authority.  I had been smoking cigarettes, on and off, since I was 15.  I "quit" multiple times, but this time I knew, I was done forever.  Because I cannot take something back that I had given up to God.  He took it from me.  And it is done.    

 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

~2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

 



C is for Cooper

Cooper is happiest on the train tracks & he loves his Mommy.
Photo captured by: Angelica Plata of AngePlata Photography

Four years ago, at midnight, my husband, step-son, and I loaded up our SUV and headed to the hospital.  My mom met us there.  We endured 14 hours of labor, and at 2:16pm on Friday, July 17, 2009, my baby boy was here. 8lb 11oz.  Healthy, strong, and beautiful.

Everyday he shows me how God's hand is upon his life.  He was created to do great things.  He is proof that God exists, that God is always good, and that God is always faithful.

C is for Charming.

C is for Charismatic.

C is for Caring.

C is for Considerate.

C is for Courageous.

C is for Comedian.

C is for Cooper.

He is everything I could have ever hoped for, dreamed of, or believed for in a son.  And I am incredibly blessed he calls me "Mommy."  I am over-the-moon, madly in love with him.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us," ~Ephesians 3:20

Hearing from God

I received three separate messages today from three different pastors...one in the morning, before church...another in church, and a third on my way to work.  Every single one had the same exact message.  I highly doubt these three pastors got together and coordinated their sermons.  God literally aligned these three messages to speak directly to me.  Even the prophetic word, directly from God, during service, revealed the same message.

"All things work together for the good of those who love Him..." 

~Romans 8:28  

ALL things work TOGETHER for the GOOD of those who LOVE HIM!"  We don't have the answers.  Only He knows how everything is going to come together.  Our perspective is not the same as His.  He sees everything.  He's making it all work together.  He has all the pieces.  It's ALL apart of His plan.  Even the things that hurt.  Even the things that cause us pain.  Even when it seems He's just letting things happen.  He allows things...even evil things...He actually uses evil...to ultimately bring Him glory.  We only need to be still.....

For the past couple of weeks, Psalm 26:10 has popped up EVERYWHERE...

"Be still and know that I am God."  

It was so obvious to me--God was sending me a sign of things to come.  Not that He meant it for good or bad, either way.  Only that He has everything completely under control.  I would only have to believe Him.  Good things and bad things, it seems, have been happening.  And I've been able to rest in Him.  Praising Him for all of it.  Yes, the good and the bad.  Because I trust Him.  I really, really trust Him.  He is sending me signs and wonders.  ME.  Little ol' me.  How amazing is His love for me.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things will be added unto you." 

~Matthew 6:33

I have been doing His work.  The work that matters to Him.  The work that He has called me to do.  And He is literally taking care of the rest.  Business has been the best it's been since we returned to our "home" location.  He's been convicting my husband's heart.  Even by allowing pneumonia in his lungs...I'm praying and hoping and believing that it can be a powerful sign to my husband to quit smoking.  I want so badly for it to be a strong enough reason.  If it takes my little brother hitting rock bottom...again, to finally seek His face...so be it.  I am getting countless opportunities to minister the Word of God to him.  And even if it doesn't take instantly...the fact that I'm sending The Spirit of God into the atmosphere--speaks to God's heart.  I seek His face in despair   I seek His face in delight.  I delight in Him.  I delight in His Presence.  I praise Him in the good times.  I praise Him in the difficult times.  I am transformed. And I am being continuously transformed in His likeness.  How incredibly blessed I am to be chosen by Him to advance His kingdom.  I am exactly where He wants me to be.  When my will is aligned with His will, life is good.  My will is to do His will.  Life is good.  Thank you, Father.

"Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 

"This is the way; walk in it."

~Isaiah 30:21

My Heart

YOU created me this way~on purpose.

I started a Bible Study with a few of my dear sisters about five weeks ago.  It was a divine appointment.  The first lesson touched on captivity and allowing God to eradicate strongholds in our lives.  I thought to myself, "I don't know if this Study is for me.  Strongholds?  I don't have an issue with that at all."  But as we studied on, each lesson opened my eyes to the invisible chains holding me down, preventing me to grow as a person, through communion with God, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.  I have been introduced to concepts that I had never even considered as being obstacles in my walk with Him.  Unbelief.  Idolatry.  Feeling Unloved.  This Study has reached the depths of my soul, revealing the sources of fears I never knew I had, while also revealing The Source of strength to overcome those fears, uncertainties, and insecurities.  I've noticed that when I seek Him, He reaches me instantly, resolving unsettled feelings.  Feelings I can't put into words.  Feelings that have been holding me captive.  

"Though we live in the world {flesh}, we do not wage war as the world {flesh}does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world {flesh}.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

~2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Last week, I shared with my sisters a struggle I was having with some recently-developed insecurities.  They came out of nowhere.  Brought me down to my knees.  Somehow, my natural mind conjured up a set of self-fulfilling prophecies.  I lost sight of His will.  Grew selfish in my own fleshy desires.  This week's lesson was God-appointed.  It put into words these unsettled feelings I couldn't put my finger on; I only knew I was in a place of such great pain.

"All of us have insecurities, even the most outwardly confident people we know...The fear or the feeling of being unloved is probably our greatest source of insecurity."1 Wow.  I couldn't find the words, and there they were.  How does He do it?  Because He is Who He says He is.  He is able.  He is God.  He created me; how could He not know?  How could He not allow failure, in  my own strength?  How could He not bring me through it?  His will is to have His Name glorified forever.

Then Job replied to The Lord: 

"I know that you can do all things; 

no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  

You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?'  

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, 

things too wonderful for me to know.  

You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; 

I will question you and you shall answer me.' 

My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.  

Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

~Job 42:1-6

I was blessed by a message I heard from one of the best speakers I know, Crystal Sparks.  In this message, she said, "when you think you've got it all together.  when you think you're doing it all by yourself.  when you've just gotten comfortable with where you are, comfortably treading water in shallow waters...God will reach down, pluck you up and drop you into deeper waters."  She said, "when you feel like you're in over your head, you're in a season of growth."  Thank you, God, for growth.  If You didn't believe in me, You wouldn't be growing me.  Your love and faithfulness is unfailing.  Thank You for choosing me.  

1Living Free: Learning to Pray God's Word by Beth Moore
*photo credit1
*photo credit2






    

He Ate

It's been a tough week.  My baby boy has not been well since his birthday.  His body was attacked by a virus that caused his mouth to have sores in and on his mouth, making it impossible for him to eat for over a week.  His little body fought as hard as I've ever seen it fight.  For six days, he had a high fever.  He was losing weight right before me eyes, having only enough energy to be held.

I cried out to The Lord, through tears of heartache.  I laid hands on my baby, praying for the healing power of The Holy Spirit to enter his body and take away the pain.  

And when he finally ate, he ate blended soup, in the form of baby food...

And we celebrated!  We rejoiced, high-fived, and sent praises up to The Almighty!  

After canceling his birthday party, not once, but twice...two weeks in a row, I'm still just happy he ate.  Even though we've been to our pediatrician more in the last week than we have in the last year, my baby ate.  I am so grateful.  Thank you, God.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, 

do it all for the glory of God.

~1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV

For He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;

He has not hidden His face from him but has listened to his cry for help.

~Psalm 22:24 NIV

THREE

Photograph by: Jocelyn Sexton

My baby boy turns three, today.  THREE!!!  My first thought is, "I can't believe it's been three years, already; I can still remember the moment I laid eyes on him, like it was yesterday.  On the other hand, I can't believe it's been ONLY three years since he's been in my life, because I was born to be his mother.  God wrote him into my story, actually, before I was born.  He has always been apart of me.  Apart of us.  Our family, as *un-traditional* as it is, a piecemeal of broken homes, provides an infinite amount of love for my Cooper.  He has brothers and sisters who love him more than anything, as they see their father, in a brand new season of life, starting all over again.  With a renewed sense of purpose.  One that is propelled by pure joy and countless blessings.  

Our hearts are full of gratitude for this life of love.  

We are looking forward to the plans You have laid out for us.  

Thank You for taking such good care of us, Lord.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well...

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-14,16 NIV

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

  

Too Good to be True

How could I possibly thank Him enough?  He placed a dream in my heart.  Lead me to it, step-by-step.  Made a way.  Made it come true.  And now, He's changing the seasons.  And I look forward to the next dream.  The next miracle.  The next season.  With gratitude and anticipation.  With complete trust.  Humbled to my knees by His Greatness.  His Mercy.  His Faithfulness.  Sometimes, it can seem like it's too good to be true...and then, I realize nothing is too good for His children. 

"All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." ~Romans 8:28

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a Rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."

~Hebrews 11:6

Not Yet

The first time I asked my husband if I could go to church, he responded, "okay, but you're not taking my son with you."  It weighed heavily on my heart, the impossibility of winning this battle.  My dear friend encouraged me, "it is not your mountain to move."  I didn't even really know what that meant. 

Then, there was a new deal.  "As long as you don't preach or try to save me..."  But the transformation in me has been too great.  The parables and the scripture verses spill out of my mouth unwarranted.  The positive perspective and grateful heart I have is contagious.  God is softening his heart, too.  And he can't help but want what I have.  That's the greatness of our God.  He wants the best for each of us.  We need not worry about "how" or "when."  It will happen, because He always keeps His promises.  Always.  Period.

So, after a year of growing in my faith and maturity, my husband agreed our son could be dedicated to The Lord.  It's funny how God and my husband both knew I wasn't ready a year ago.  I needed every single message, every relationship, every encounter to bring me closer to Him.  To speak to my heart.  To test my conviction.  To know that I know that I know, that He is The Way and The Truth and The Life.

Prayers only go unanswered when you stop praying and lose heart.  You can pray and not worry. Prepare your heart and seek Him.  On purpose.  It will come to pass when He decides you're ready.     

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

As I prepared a "lesson" to share with my mother's group, High Point Church Mama Chiks, I revisited a script that I wrote about a year ago, and I am in awe of the transformation He has made in me.

I've rewritten it, and the scripture references came to me like I've known them all my life.  I remember how hard it was to find them the first time I wrote that script.  It was one of my favorite lessons, and one that I learned a lot from myself.

I also realized how much "blogging it out" has helped in my transformation. (Thank you, mamahall, for encouraging me to do so.)  I ended up borrowing a lot of the references I made from my blog.  It was like a "works cited" page right at my fingertips :).  The new version is even better, so I thought I'd share it.  Since I'm in the typing mood.

Last year, we were introduced to the book Momology, by Shelly Radic.  The thesis of this book is that Motherhood is part art, part science, all faith, and a constant work in progress.  It provides commentary to a couple of important concepts taught in the Word.  First, that we are all wonderfully made.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” ~Psalm 139:13-14, 16

It also emphasizes the fact that we have all been specifically designed to match what our children need in a mother.  We were made for them, and they were made for us.  And we were all created in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27).

As mothers, we always feel as if we have to be strong enough.  For our children, for our husbands, for our parents, for everyone.  And oftentimes, we hold on to that “super-mom” title so tightly, we forget to ask for help.  We grow resentful of the people for whom we are being strong.  We have to learn to trust God with our lives.  To turn over control to Him. 

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31

If you have time to look up Matthew West’s song “Strong Enough" it has really powerful lyrics.  Have you heard it?  {I took the liberty of removing some repetitious words and verses.} 

“Strong Enough” by Matthew West

You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do on my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy, won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough for the both of us

Well, maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
'Cause when I'm finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up and reaching out

'Cause I'm broken, down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God and You are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
I don't have to be strong enough

Hands of mercy, won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough

When you feel like you have nowhere else to turn, turn to Him.  He will rescue you. 

 “I love you, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer…The cords of death entangled me, the torrents of destruction overwhelm me…In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.  From His temple He heard my voice…The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because He was angry.  He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me…He rescued me because He delighted in me.” ~Psalm 18:1-19

Take an index card.  Write down your strengths on one side and your weaknesses on the other…

The author of Momology says this, “If we’ve been specifically designed to match what our child needs in a mom, it only makes sense to focus on the strengths within that design.  Developing our strengths will allow us to be the best mom possible.  While being aware of and managing our weaknesses is good, constantly focusing on them is destructive, causing a breakdown in our self-perception and distorting the purposefully and wonderfully designed image we should have of ourselves."

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [weakness] away from me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  ~2 Corninthians 12:8-10 

Which side has the longest list?  Most people are more aware of their weaknesses. 

If you could choose only one list to cut and paste into your child’s brain, which side would you insert?  Duh, we’d all choose our list of strengths.  If we want to raise up confident, resilient, strong children, we have to live by example. 

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” ~Proverbs 22:6

Let’s make the same choices for ourselves and begin focusing on our strengths.  The book offers a great way to work on focusing on our strengths.  Here’s how…

First, know that each one of your weaknesses derives from one of your strengths.  I’ll give you an example.  I have a tendency to be impulsive.  I could say that this is one of my weaknesses.  But if I look at it from a strengths perspective, I may say that I am decisive.  It’s all a matter of seeing yourself in a positive manner, so that you can use your strengths more effectively.  Let’s say that you’re unorganized.  You don’t like schedules or planning or commitments.  If you focus on those negatives—viewing them as weaknesses, it can be self-destructive.  Instead, appreciate the flexibility you offer yourself and your family each day. 

Now, find the strength behind each weakness you think you have…Starting with the list you’ve made.  Beside each weakness you’ve written down, identify the strength from which it is derived.  It may be tricky to do, at first, but if you practice it enough, you will start to change the perception you have of yourself. 

Also, take time out of each day to spend time with God.  It will change your life.  I promise. 

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”  ~Deuteronomy 4:29

Ever-Present

I am at peace, because He is with me.  In similar circumstances in the past, I would have cried.  I would have felt helpless and lost.  But not now.  Not anymore.  I am convicted.  I have been set free.  I know Truth.  I know God. 

I closed my eyes and called out to Him.  He comforted me. 

I reach for my Bible, unsure of what I am looking for...I find Psalm 18. 

"1I love you, O Lord, my strength.  2The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer...5The cords of death entangled me, the torrents of destruction overwhelm me...6In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.  From His temple He heard my voice...7The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because He was angry.

16He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.  17He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me...19He rescued me because He delighted in me. 

20The Lord has dealt with me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands He has rewarded me.  21For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not done evil by turning from my God.

25To the faithful, You show Yourself faithful, to the blameless You show Yourself blameless, 26to the pure You show Yourself pure, but to the crooked You show Yourself shrewd.

30As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord is flawless.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him...32It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect...34He trains my hands for battle...36You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.

46The Lord lives!  Praise be to my Rock!  Exalted be God my Savior!"

He is ever-present in my time of need.  I will not doubt His perfect timing.  I will hold steadfast to His promise.  He will deliver me.  He will.



Image Source Page: http://fellowshiproom.org/2010/06/28/the-discipline-of-prayer/



accepting the challenge

 i've heard the term "bucket list" used over and over, but i hadn't ever before accepted the 'challenge' to actually write it down.  so here it is...

pass the CPA exam.  learn how to sew.  start a photography business.  visit Europe, South America, Austrailia, Albania, England...  finish The Holy Bible.  have another baby.  ski, snowboard, surf.  climb a mountain.  drive cross-country.  be a room-mother.  coach a team.  write a song.  have a video go viral.  model my son.  stay married until death-does-us-part. {not in any particular order}

This is my entry in the Just Ask Bucket List Getaway Giveaway. Just Ask offers a breast and ovarian cancer screening and is encouraging people to share 15 things that I want to enjoy in my lifetime as a reminder to be aware of my health. Want to enter? Head over to TodaysMama.com to get the details.

If the moon stays out until morning

Cooper has noticed the moon out during the day, because he remembers what I read to him from

Nancy Tillman's On The Night You Were Born: 

"If the moon stays up until morning one day,
Or a ladybug lands and decides to stay,
Or a little bird sits at your window awhile,
It’s because they’re all hoping to see you smile…"

My son knows that he is loved.  And that means the world to me.  We make a big deal out of it, when he points it out in the sky.  Because it IS a big deal in his little world.  And his little world is my whole world.  



He requests it, by name, 'Bears Dancing'



  

Be Brilliant

A very good friend of mine reminded me of something I came to know in my heart to be true, about forging close friendships with other mothers...God wrote us into each other's stories so that we may mother together.  We aren't meant to do it alone.

Shelly Radic, in her book Momology, eloquently puts it this way, 

“In the midst of bonding with one little human being,

we feel very isolated from the rest of the world.”

It's a dangerous place to be:  Isolation.  You're trapped with only your own thoughts.  Criticisms.  Perceptions.  You need at least one "safe" person to talk to.  Someone who will listen, encourage, uplift, and not judge you or your circumstances.  No matter what.  An unconditional, two-way street, kind-of friendship.  It's a once-in-a-lifetime find.  Seek her.  Find her.  Hang on to her.    

"God is stirring those whose hearts are longing to see these loose ends tied up.  Those are connections we need to actively search out and begin to develop.  Sisters, I believe it is our time.  Nurture, the language of the feminine heart, is being restored as women arise, recognize each other, and begin to connect for strength and purpose.”

--Lisa Bevere, Nurture

Be that friend to others.  Reach out.  Be brilliant.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. 

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

--Marianne Williamson, quoted in Lisa Bevere's book, Nurture.

This quote was so empowering for me.  When you are surrounded by people who make you feel yucky, find a different circle.  There are others like you, and they're looking for you, too.  Don't surround yourself with women (or men) who dim your light, take the wind out of your sails, steal your joy, or want to compete with you.  

In my son's favorite bedtime story, The Night You were Born, Nancy Tillman says, 

"You are the one and only you." 

  “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.  I know that full well.”

~Psalm 139:13-14

Praise Report!

For anyone who has been "keeping up", you may have noticed how God has moved mountains in my life.  I started this blog out of desparation.  I was lost.  I was scared.  I didn't know how to ask my husband if he'd allow raising our kids in The Church.  I hid this fear from my Christian social circle.  I was ashamed.  He had been against it in previous discussions.  I knew I didn't want to defy him.  I didn't want to go behind his back.  I didn't want to take on the battle.  I did not know how to ask him.  I asked HIM, instead, to move this mountain for me. 

I not only found the courage, but the joy, not only to attend church, but to truly believe.  My husband is not only supportive, but he's proud.  Encouraging.  He tells me, daily, how proud he is.  He tells me how he has seen the change in me.  And how it has helped him to change his own perspective.  To gain a perspective of gratitude.  We're less likely to seek, or expect gratitude. We're learning how to appreciate our countless blessings, and appreciate each other.  He tells me about the conversations he has with other people, how he brags about the fact that his wife takes his boys to church every Sunday.  He tells me how envious everyone is.  I used to be envious.      

He believes me when I say "I prayed for that."  Now, he's asking me, "did you pray about that?"  Yes, actually, I did.  I pray often, about everything.  And when I asked him why he thought I go to church each Sunday...he shrugged.  He sort of knew.  I gather he thought it had something to do with our boys.  Or needing to find a place in this life, in this world.  No.  That's not why.  (Although, those are wonderful derivatives.)  This is why:  I go to thank Him.

And, there's more.  My two-year old says, "Thank you, God.  Amen."  He nearly recites a book we read, every night, titled Thank You, God.  (for everything).  He says "God bless you" to Daddy when he sneezes.  He won't grow up, as I did, not knowing if there's a God or not.  God is apart of his vocabulary and apart of his life. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

~Proverbs 22:6

My teenager, a year ago, was a self-proclaimed, 'conformist' athiest. [this is someone who was raised Catholic, and endured the year-plus Confirmation process.  how could i lead him back?]  We fought nearly every day.  I carried guilt over being an "evil step-mother."  I felt like a failure, because he couldn't pass his classes.  I couldn't get him to even care.

Leave it to God to use a cute girl to ask him to come to youth group, one Wednesday night.  Once I saw the willingness, the 'I'm-not-so-completely-against-it' surrender,  I took him to church with me.  Now...it's just what we do Sunday mornings.  No questions asked.  No reluctance (well, there's a little reluctance; he is a teenager, afterall).  He wore a rosary to his first day of school.  His senior year.  He's on track to graduate early.  How much more proud can a mother be?  When Pastor's Wife prayed a back-to-school blessing over him that ended with "this will be your Finest Hour," he believed it.  Enough to want a tattoo that says, "Finest Hour." 

We'll see about that.

"As for me and my house, we WILL serve The Lord." ~Joshua 24:15

          

...but a breath

"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. 

Remind me that my days are numbered--how fleeting my life is. 

You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. 

My entire lifetime is just a moment to You; at best, each of us is but a breath."

~Psalm 39:4-5 NLT

Let me live a life You are proud of.  Let me always be grateful for Your blessings.  Your mercy.  Your grace.  Let me inspire, in others, the desire to live a life of grace and mercy and gratitude.  Let me inspire, in others, the desire to seek You, as I desire to seek You, in everything I do, during this breath of life.  Amen.

Warfare

There are good forces and evil forces at war for our souls.  The enemy is a liar.  He tells you that you are alone.  That you are worthless.  He lurks in the shadows, even while you're doing well, and he waits.  He waits for the opportunity to whisper these lies in your ear.  He waits until you're alone, with only your own self-destructive thoughts. 

We have to be steadfast in our belief that we serve a mighty God, who will never forsake us.  We have to believe that we are equipped for the battle.  Shield yourself with the armor He has fitted for you.  Take up the sword that He has forged for you.  He is only a breath away.  Reach out, and take His hand.  It's never too late.  He is always ready to fight for you.  Now, you have to be ready to fight for HIM.

"Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." ~Ephesians 6:11-12 NLT

*This post was inspired by Highpoint Church Pastor Gary Simon's message "Fighting the Good Fight of Faith".  Listen to it here: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/fighting-good-fight-faith/id418790796?i=96450447 

one bad potato

i know the saying usually goes, "one bad apple..." but i bought a bag of potatoes the other day, with this one rotten potato that made the whole bag stink!  if i had left it in there, the rest of them would have surely rotted along with it.  i dumped them all out into the sink, threw the nasty one out, and washed the rest of them off.

it made me think.  when you have that one bad person in your life, your business, or your circle, throw him out!  if not in a physical sense, do so mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.  find peace.  don't let his rotteness spoil your day, your mood, or your relationships.  it's not as easy to do with a person, as it is with rotten produce, but the result is inevitable in either case.

"Don't envy evil people or desire their company. 

For their hearts plot violence, and their words always stir up trouble."

~Proverbs 24:1-2 NLT     

hope you're well

i read this quote today, "Respect people who find time for you in their busy schedule.  But love people who never look at their schedule when you need them."  it made me think...about my circle.  i don't want to regret having any relationship.  i heard a speaker once explain that everything we need is in a relationship.  whether that relationship is marriage, friendship, blood, or spiritual, God has appointed each encounter.  He wrote our stories to cross paths. 

"God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God."

~Romans 8:28 NLT

i like to give more than i take, but some people make it too easy to give, and impossible to take.  i hate to question whether it's worth my effort, so i normally don't think that far...i just jump right in.  and in the end, i often get hurt.  but i think it's worth the risk.  because when i find that relationship that completes a part of me, i become more of who i am supposed to be. 

"The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become--because He made us."

~C.S. Lewis

 

  

no time to cry

Each day has gotten progressively more difficult over the last five days, and although it doesn't seem relief is anywhere in sight, I have a peace within me, a "peace that surpasses all understanding" (Philippians 4:7).  This peace will guard my heart and my mind in Jesus Christ.  

I know God will deliver me from this valley.  He is with me, and He comforts me (Psalm 23:4).   

My body is broken, my flesh is exhausted; I witness the pain of those closest to me.  But The Lord delights in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For His grace is sufficient for me.  His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

I am calm.  I am faithful.  Because He is faithful.  For it is in this time of famine and drought that seeds of prosperity will be sown (Genesis 26:1-13).  When else could we reap a hundredfold?

Through this adversity, I am learning what is important:  Family.  Faith.  Prayer.  Perspective.  Gratitude.  Trust.  and Belief.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. 

You have collected all my tears in your bottle. 

You have recorded each one in your book."

~Psalm 56:8 NLT