Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My Heart

YOU created me this way~on purpose.

I started a Bible Study with a few of my dear sisters about five weeks ago.  It was a divine appointment.  The first lesson touched on captivity and allowing God to eradicate strongholds in our lives.  I thought to myself, "I don't know if this Study is for me.  Strongholds?  I don't have an issue with that at all."  But as we studied on, each lesson opened my eyes to the invisible chains holding me down, preventing me to grow as a person, through communion with God, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.  I have been introduced to concepts that I had never even considered as being obstacles in my walk with Him.  Unbelief.  Idolatry.  Feeling Unloved.  This Study has reached the depths of my soul, revealing the sources of fears I never knew I had, while also revealing The Source of strength to overcome those fears, uncertainties, and insecurities.  I've noticed that when I seek Him, He reaches me instantly, resolving unsettled feelings.  Feelings I can't put into words.  Feelings that have been holding me captive.  

"Though we live in the world {flesh}, we do not wage war as the world {flesh}does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world {flesh}.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
~2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Last week, I shared with my sisters a struggle I was having with some recently-developed insecurities.  They came out of nowhere.  Brought me down to my knees.  Somehow, my natural mind conjured up a set of self-fulfilling prophecies.  I lost sight of His will.  Grew selfish in my own fleshy desires.  This week's lesson was God-appointed.  It put into words these unsettled feelings I couldn't put my finger on; I only knew I was in a place of such great pain.

"All of us have insecurities, even the most outwardly confident people we know...The fear or the feeling of being unloved is probably our greatest source of insecurity."1 Wow.  I couldn't find the words, and there they were.  How does He do it?  Because He is Who He says He is.  He is able.  He is God.  He created me; how could He not know?  How could He not allow failure, in  my own strength?  How could He not bring me through it?  His will is to have His Name glorified forever.

Then Job replied to The Lord: 
"I know that you can do all things; 
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?'  
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, 
things too wonderful for me to know.  
You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; 
I will question you and you shall answer me.' 
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.  
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
~Job 42:1-6

I was blessed by a message I heard from one of the best speakers I know, Crystal Sparks.  In this message, she said, "when you think you've got it all together.  when you think you're doing it all by yourself.  when you've just gotten comfortable with where you are, comfortably treading water in shallow waters...God will reach down, pluck you up and drop you into deeper waters."  She said, "when you feel like you're in over your head, you're in a season of growth."  Thank you, God, for growth.  If You didn't believe in me, You wouldn't be growing me.  Your love and faithfulness is unfailing.  Thank You for choosing me.  

1Living Free: Learning to Pray God's Word by Beth Moore
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