Birthday Blessings

My Cooper is FIVE today!  I am so proud of the boy he is, and the man he will become.  I love our conversations.  I love that he still kisses me on the lips.  And I love that we still sleep together.  I know, I know...*gasp* it's so taboo.  My five year old can't sleep alone.  We failed miserably at sleep training.  We got a glorious few months from the time he was 7 months old until he started climbing out of his crib, and transferred into his "big boy" (queen-sized) bed.  I know what the books say, but I think it works for our family, for now.  After all, he is FIVE, and he's not going to want to sleep with his mommy much longer.

So, we had the most intriguing conversation today about his future.  He speaks often of marriage and children.  I've only had to tell him one time, "God has the perfect wife for you."  And he knows it's true.  He knows there is one woman for him, and that she will be the mother of his children.  I love that my son, sensitive, caring, and compassionate, aspires to have a family more than anything else.  He isn't looking to conquer the world.  He just wants to love like he is loved.

If we each could love like we are loved, what a wonderful world it would be.   

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." ~1Peter 4:8

Due Season

I pride myself on sleeping {really} well.  Like, a tornado could rip through the living room, and I'd still be sleeping.  My husband tells me he finds me in the same position the next morning, as I had gone to sleep in the night before.  I brag that it comes from a peace that surpasses all understanding, from having a clear conscience.  But last night, something out of the ordinary happened.  I was awakened with a start!  Startled, I screamed and flung the covers off myself!  To where my dog started barking ferociously, which pretty much paralyzed me with fear for a few minutes.  What. was. that.

The last time I remember being that scared, I was up late, typing on the laptop in the middle of my dark living room when someone pounded at my front door!  Paralyzed with fear, my muscles were frozen.  I couldn't move an inch, let alone try to defend myself, or to find out what was going on.  I could only shout to my husband in the next room, until he woke up and came out to investigate.  It happened again a couple of days later, and again, I was frozen in fear.  I did feel better after the police told us there were other reports in the neighborhood, and that there was a group of kids pulling pranks, but at that moment, I literally could. not. move.  I had never before felt that type of fear.

So I wasn't sure if I had a night terror, in which something happened, and shocked me out of my sleep, or if something had happened outside that caused my dog to bark.  I can almost remember a loud noise that set it off!  Whether it was in a dream, or outside, I have no idea.

Immediately, I felt it was a spiritual attack!  I began to pray scriptures, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God, and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus." {Philippians 4:6}  "For the weapons of warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." {2 Corinthians 10:3-5}

The T.V. was still on in the living room, so I thought my husband might still be up.  I stepped softly into the living room, and found that my husband was sleeping in the other room.  With my dog at my heels, heart racing, and still trembling, I nudged him awake to see if he had heard anything.  He grumbled, and rolled to his other side.  Now, what??

I pretty much turned all the lights on in the house, and looked around, as much as my body would allow.  Everything was fine, but I was still shaken up.  I went to lay down with Cooper, because he was more likely to let me cuddle him, but I was wide away.  Cooper started to cry restlessly in his sleep, and I wondered if he could sense my own anxiety.  I conjured up enough courage to go to my car, with my dog by my side, of course, to get my pouch of essential oils.  I rubbed lavender on my own feet, chest, and back, as well as on Cooper's.  I also put a few drops in the humidifier.  Lavender is known for its calming effects.  I continued to pray.

1 John 4:8 tell us:  "Perfect Love casts out all fear."

As I laid there in the dark, my thoughts were racing along with my heart, and I realized I needed to get into The Word.  I pulled up YouVersion's Bible app on my phone, and browsed the devotionals.  "The Overflow Devo" is authored by various Christian artists.  I recognized the name "Lacrae," and thought I'd see what it was about...it is an eight-day devotional, showcasing the rapper's album titled, "Gravity."  Fellow artists KB and Derek Minor also contributed to the content.

I started with "Day 1," and found it very easy to read.  It starts out, "It's been said that the vainest things in life are the ones we expect the most contentment from."  I read on..."People are constantly asking, "What's the meaning of life," like maybe the answer would satisfy their discontent."  It goes on, "We, outside of a relationship with Jesus who satisfies our deepest longings, are left to a redundant existence."

I was hooked.  I continued to read until I finished the entire devotional.  I have already gone back to read parts of it over and over again.  It is THAT GOOD.

I was able to get back to sleep after that.  I woke the next morning, and got Cooper and myself ready for church.  I was attending the second installment of a Bible Study titled, "Life of Purpose."  Don't you know it--everything I had read in the devotional the night before had prepared me for this very class.  Our teacher reminded us of the story of Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32:22-32, and I felt an immediate connection.  He said, "pull God into yourself."  That's the kind of mental exhaustion I had felt from the night before.  I was pulling God in, and rebuking the devil's attempt at spiritual warfare.  Every word spoken in that class, as well as in Pastor's sermon that day spoke to my highest potential--a direct word for my life.

Our teacher mentioned Sponsors in the Bible.  He reminded us that it takes only one stroke of favor to change the course of our lives, as long as we remain faithful in our walk with Him.  You can be last in line, when God turns the entire line around!  I thought about the Sponsors in my life, who gave me opportunities to serve alongside them, so that, at God's appointed time, in due season, I would be called to lead, myself.  I am a walking testimony that God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.  The Bible says, "And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." {Galatians 6:9}

KB, one of the artists who authored that devotional, had quoted Augustine, "If Christ is not valued above all, Christ is not valued at all."  He received criticism via tweet from a young lady who retorted, "Your God sounds like He's on a power trip, I would never want to be with a god like that."  I loved KB's perspective on this, he wrote, "God is too great, too beautiful, too awesome, too attractive to truly be seen and not obsessed over."

I just love how God truly takes what the devil meant for evil, and turned it into good for me.  I was able to see deeper, hear clearer, and praise sweeter this Sunday morning.  I am grateful that He has chosen me to fulfill the purpose He has for me, and I could never be more sure that I am exactly where He wants me to be.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 says:

""For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Amen.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day is so much more fun and special with a sweet little boy like mine.  

I just wanted to show off the Valentines we created, this year.  

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. 

But the greatest of these is love." 

~1 Corinthians 13:13

My husband: the introvert

If I was a psychologist, and my husband was my patient, I would diagnose him with "social anxiety disorder."  He seriously hates entertaining.  I guess it's true what they say, "opposites attract."  Hello!

And just recently, I've been running into definitions, explanations, and illustrations about the introverted.  And I had an epiphany.  And it's not like I don't know my own husband, I just didn't ever think to label him as such...until I came across THIS:

And it has really helped me to understand why he acts the way he does.  Out of nowhere, with him never having seen this illustration, I said to my husband, "thanks for letting me in your bubble."  To which he simply replied, "you're welcome."

Crystal Sparks!!!

Mama Chiks Meeting 

January 10, 2014

I tweeted Crystal earlier in the week that I could not physically write her name without "!!!" behind it, as in -->"Crystal Sparks!!!"<-- because I think she is one of the most dynamic and influential speakers I have ever heard, and her messages change my life.  I am honored to call her friend, and that she takes the time out of her insanely busy schedule to speak to our group, each year.

So, I got a phone call from Crystal at about 8:30am; she was frantic and apologetic, "I'm so sorry, Cindy.  We are so stuck in traffic.  I heard there was a back-up on I30, so I left extra early, and I'm trying; it's just not moving.  I promise I left extra early this morning!  I'm trying!"

To which I replied, "it's okay.  It's not  your fault.  Just get here when you can.  We'll wait."  Then, I texted her, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving; make your requests be known to God.  And the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind, in Christ Jesus. Amen." {Philippians 4:6-7 is my go-to prayer for anxiety!}

I made it to our polka-dotted meeting room later than I had preferred to, and was pleasantly greeted by our admin Tiffany and photographer Angelica; their warms smiles make me happy.  I made my way around the room to give hugs and "good morning"s to each of our leaders, and members.  I was delighted to see a few new faces in the room, including mamas who I had texted with, and got to meet for the very first time.

Angelica and I figured out how to get the CD player working, and played Danielle's Noonan's EP: "Restoration," in the background, as we continued to chat.  We said a prayer to thank God for what He was about to do, and blessed the brunch that we were about to share.  After some more time to fellowship, we made announcements, which included a new pregnancy announcement, which is *always* exciting news!  Yay for a new Chikadee in the near-future!

Kristyl had a fun icebreaker for our group: a relay race that involved a cotton ball, a bendy straw, and a lot of laughing!

We have a competitive group of mamas!  Guess which team won.  Haha!

Kristyl shared the message that God spoke to her, as she prepared this activity for the group.  "When you first hear, 'move this cotton ball across the room, using only this straw', multiple thoughts cross your mind:  'That's a long way.  How am I supposed to do that with just the straw?  Am I going to have to get on the ground and blow this cotton ball across the floor with this straw...'  But God will move those mountains for you, if you have faith enough to believe.  And faith as a mustard seed can change everything, in a *moment.*"

After that fun game and insightful word, Elia came forward to share her Glorifying Moment with the group.  Without going into complete detail, tears flowed as Elia shared her upbringing, in which she witnessed travesties against her family.  But The Lord delivers us out of them all.  "God is our Heavenly Father, even if it seems we don't have a father on Earth.  HE is our Daddy.  Father to the fatherless."  He has shown Himself faithful to Elia and to her family.

At that time, I checked on Crystal.  She had taken a third detour, and found her way to a clearer path!  She was going to make it!  We got into our small groups and took prayer requests.  I could hear the chains falling as the mamas poured their hearts out.  This is what Mama Chiks is: a refuge, a safe place, where you can cry out to God, and know that your Sisters will hold you hand, embrace you, hand you a tissue, and cry with you.

We circled up into our prayer circle and lifted up our prayer intentions to The Lord.  The energy that flows among us we pray His word back to Him, knowing that it will not return void, is electrifying.

As we prayed, Crystal and her best friend/best assistant Nancy came into the room, breathing heavily from the rush of their morning.  It had taken them three hours and fifteen minutes to make a forty-five minute trip!  Praise God for their resilience and for their faithfulness.  They held true to their word.

So, at that point, Crystal looked at her watch and said, "I've got 23 minutes.  Let's do this!" {We had allotted at least an hour for Crystal to speak; she was going to move fast!  but she made sure we were not going to miss the blessing God had for us on that morning.}

Here are my notes from her message, which she asked us to title:

Remembering What we Should Forget and Forgetting What we Should Remember

Crystal referenced Numbers 13:25-32 AMP, which tells the story of Moses and Aaron's assignment to take the land which The Lord had given them.  Moses, instead, sent in twelve spies to assess the land, who returned with a report that "the people who dwell there are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large," making it seem impossible they would possess the land.  Joshua and Caleb, however, rise up to say they were well able to conquer it.

"After the death of Moses the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ minister, "Moses My servant is dead. So now arise [take his place], go over this Jordan, you and all this people, into the land which I am giving to them, the Israelites." [Joshua 1:1 AMP]

In Joshua 6:1-5 AMP, the plan is set out that Joshua was to march around the city of Jericho, a fenced town with high walls, once a day for six days, with his men of war.  Then, on the seventh day, seven priests, bearing seven trumpets are to march around the city walls seven times and then blow their trumpets.  Then all the people were to shout a great shout, and the wall shall fall!

"Now, Joshua has got to be thinking, "we've waited forty years for this plan?!"" says Crystal, "the first thing we remember is our failures more than our successes.  God had already delivered them from so much.  When it looked like there was no way around the Red Sea, and it seemed they were trapped, God parted the Red Sea.  When it seemed they would starve in the wilderness, He sent manna from heaven.  He delivered them from plagues..."

"They had seen all of the miracles, but they remembered, instead, what they should have forgotten, and they forgot what they were supposed to remember."

"We need to be Promise-focused instead of problem-focused.  All it takes is one word from God to turn everything around.  We are never too uneducated or too poor.  He never questioned His ability when He chose you; see if you can trust His ability.  Sometimes, all we can talk about are the walls."

Crystal described the calling on her family.  "The Lord wouldn't leave us alone about planting a new church in Royse City.  He has shown us one supernatural miracle after another."  She described this time in her life as the scariest and most exhilarating.  The only way she could survive in these waters is if God's hand was holding her up from drowning.   They've seen so many miracles.  Their house in Sulphur Springs sold to the first buyer.  Even though they've doubled their debt to acquire a new home in Royse City, where they don't know anybody, they know that God has called them knowing the walls were there.

"Rely on God.  If He called you to do it, you can do it."

In the book of Joshua, there is only one verse talking about the walls; however, in Numbers, there are multiple verses talking about the fortified walls around Jericho.  Crystal pointed out that they're the same walls.  It's just a matter of focus.  "Where your focus goes, God's power follows.  Focus your eyes on Heaven."

"Peter walked on water because of the storm.  Sarah conceived a child because she was barren.  The problem comes first, the miracle comes second.  The thing that qualifies you for a miracle is your problem.  He is your Provision.  He goes before you as a shield.  But He only goes where you are already walking.  Peter didn't walk on water, he walked on a WORD, and that word was, "Come."

"God's word is enough.  It is greater than recession.  It is greater than a budget.  It is greater than a medical diagnosis, a layoff... Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen."

"All you need is one scripture to restore your marriage, to bring a wayward child home.  It is the unlock code to get in."  Crystal said, "God spoke to me and told me to, "Pray my word, not what you want.""

"Believe in addition, not subtraction; opportunity, not obstacle; possibility, not impossibility."

"Your best friend is waiting for you.  Every best friend starts out as a stranger."

"You are on a treasure hunt for miracles, and the Word gives you the cues on where to go."

"The Word is the lamp unto your feet, but it only shines where you're going.  Is your faith moving?  Your actions show where your faith is."

"Promises are given because there will always be reason for doubt.  We think we get promises, and it will go smoothly thereafter.  When the truth is, God gives us promises because He knows there will be reason for doubt."

Joshua 23:14: "And behold, this day I am going the way of all the earth. Know in all your hearts and in all your souls that not one thing has failed of all the good things which the Lord your God promised concerning you. All have come to pass for you; not one thing of them has failed."

We will look back, just as Joshua did, and say, "God was my wealth, my provision.  We walked on water."  It's not going to happen without a fight.  In the moments when you feel like you're losing, stay in the game.  Have faith and patience.  Romans 8:31 says, "If God is for us, who can {successfully} come against us?"

"We will walk on the storms that were sent to kill us!"

Psalm 65:11 says "You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance."  Crystal shared a dream she had in which Jesus told her to tell His children, "Cleave to me," as he handed them gold crowns, and jewels the size of their heads.  When you see the world digging, hold on to Jesus."

And she ended with this, "Surely, you're more valuable than the birds.  Birds wake up, every morning, fat and broke, and they're singing about it!  Surely, you're more valuable than the birds in the air." [Matthew 6:26]

{And she did all of that in 23 minutes.  Which is why I call her "Crystal Sparks!!!"}

submission

sub·mis·sion

səbˈmiSHən/

noun

1. 1.

   the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

I met my husband when I was {barely} twenty, and he was {almost} forty-two.  *Gasp*  We dated for two years before my family knew about it; I used his daughter, who is 3 years younger than me, as my alibi for where I was spending all of my time away from home.

Somehow, we both knew, before I had read it in any marriage-advice books, that love is a CHOICE.  Thirteen years later, we still grow as individuals, as we grow together as one, and it is because of the choice we make to love each other.

There has always been a firestorm debate over the wife's role in a marriage.  There's a dirty word called submission that really gets the party started.  For my home, it's the most peaceful when I "know my role," and by that, I mean I show unconditional respect to my husband, and do my best to make his requests a priority in my day.  It seems pretty simple, but it is sometimes really hard to execute.  For whatever reason, his requests always get pushed on to the back-burner, because of all of the other responsibilities I've given myself.  And each time he makes a request, I feel inadequate.  I get immediately defensive, and feel like I have to justify what I've done with my day.

My husband and I run a business together, so he's not only my husband, he's also my boss.  On his favorite channel is CNBC, where business news is reported 24/7.  After the markets are closed, they sometimes have special informative programs.  One evening, he watched a special on Successful Partnerships, and by successful, I mean multi-gazillion dollar world-wide corporations.  There was exactly ONE point he took from this program, which lasted about an hour and a half:  there can only be ONE BOSS.  It explains why the partnership he had with his brother had dissolved.  They tried for an "equal" partnership, and failed because there was always a power struggle between them.

This speaks to me as to how important it is for me to recognize that he is the head of our household, and the head of our business.  And there's no doubt that our employees hold him in a much higher esteem than they do myself or our son, as they should.  After all, as my son at 2-years-old had expressed it so eloquently, "Daddy's the BIG BOSS."  My husband swears he didn't teach him that, but I suspect otherwise.

Then, there is Scriptural instruction on the like.  God commands us, very clearly, ""Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." [English Standard Version, Colossians 3:18-21]

Now, if we are to love God by being obedient to His command, and He is telling us in black and white: "WIVES, submit to your husbands, as fitting in the Lord," we are to submit to our husbands.  As much as society tells us we are equals.  50/50.  There can only by ONE head of the household.  There can only be ONE head of a body.  Just as Jesus Christ is the head of the body, while the church is the body of Christ, our husbands are the heads of our households.

If we look at Colossians 3:18-21, we would unequivocally agree with the Lord's command to our husbands to "love your wives," and to our children to "obey your parents in everything." Yet, we take issue with His command to us.

If the Bible is the key to unlocking the secrets that keep our marriages from prospering, why don't we go back to the source, and take God's advice.  He created us, and He knows what's best for us.  He gave us the instructions we need to have a successful partnership.

Some may, and I used to, point to the notion that my husband is an unbeliever, which would nullify his place as high priest in our home.  However, I have only found the opposite to be true, based on scripture.  "For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." [1 Corinthians 7:14]  I proclaim that we are made holy because of our spouses, and that our children are also holy.  How would you rather have it?  Would you want your husband to be unrecognized, uprooted as high priest, and for you to be put in his place?  I say, "No, thank you."

"if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination." [Titus 1:6]

"To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” [Genesis 3:16]

"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." [1 Peter 3:7]

If I want my husband to take his proper role as high priest of our household, I must treat him as such, and "call those things that are not as though they are." [Romans 4:17]

I believe God when He says, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved--you and your entire household." [Acts 16:31]

If I want God's promises to manifest in my life, and in my family, I must submit to God's commandments, by submitting to my husband, as The Lord commands.  There is no other way.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, " says the Lord. [Isaiah 55:8]  He doesn't expect us to understand.  He expects us to obey.

"But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."  [Joshua 24:15]  Oh, we will.

The Famine is Over.

1 Corinthians 2:9
(image source)



On October 20, 2013, Pastor Joseph Davis shared a powerful message at High Point Church.  He referenced 2 Kings 7.  Elisha prophesied the end to Samaria's famine.  Pastor Joseph said, "I believe The Lord is saying 'the famine is about to be over.'"  He asked us to identify and write down our own famine.  Here is what I wrote down: "Nizza's trouble with workers & business.  No time for family, QT w/Coop or husband."  He told us to write it down because it was the last time we were going to look at it. 

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."  I shall not lack. (Psalm 23:1)

For every prophetic word spoken or promise made, the devil sends a counter-attack to cause doubt in our minds, to try to shake our faith.  Elisha was mocked by the king's officer, "even if The Lord should open the floodgates of the heavens, could this happen?"  Even when the enemy attacks, refutes, and disputes the Word of God, it is futile because "God is not a man that He should lie, nor is He the son of man that He should repent.  If He said it, shall He not do it.  If He spoke it, shall it not come to pass?" (Numbers 23:19)  "I watch over my Word to perform it." (Jeremiah 1:12) 

When you've received a promise, expect a little intimidation.  The devil will show up to talk you out of that promise.  But it doesn't change God's Word.  Pray, stand, speak, agree--in faith--"call those things that be not as if they were (Romans 4:17)...speak to that which is dead, in the name of Jesus.

Hebrews 11:6 says "But without faith, it is impossible to please God..." He is the Rewarder of faith.  Verses 30-34 say, "by faith, the walls of Jericho fell...Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and the prophets...conquered kingdoms, administered justice, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of flames, escaped the sword, became powerful in battle..."  Your faith will cause you to subdue a kingdom.  There is no other way to obtain the promise than by faith.          

Four men with leprosy sat outside the city gates, forbidden to enter the city, and said to each other, "Why sit here until we die?"  They were ready for a change in their condition.  Pastor Joseph asked "Why are YOU sitting there?  in famine, in lack, anxious, being held hostage? When the word has come forth: 'by this time tomorrow, the famine will be over.'  How long are you going to put up with THAT? on your paper."

Staying where you are is not an option.  Something has to give.  Something has to change.  A breakthrough is on the way.

Proverbs 6:31, "Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house."  In other words, if it bankrupts hell, the devil has to pay. 

Your exit to your famine is when you exit from your circumstances.  If your circumstances don't line up with the Word of God, they're standing in the way of your destiny.  Move from where you are. 

The lepers planned to surrender to the enemy army, but when they got there, the army had abandoned their camp.  They were able to plunder the camp, but they didn't keep it all to themselves, even though they had been outcasted, they shared the spoils with the city.

If you find yourself in famine, you first have to get up.  "Get up, go take it!"  The end of your famine is waiting for you.  Don't stay where you are; the enemy has already vacated.  Claim God's promise.  Your act of faith will cause others to also act in faith.

This same afternoon, my husband called me to encourage me.  He called to tell me to not lose hope, but that we were on track to attain our long-term goal in business.  He had actually used these exact words with me, "We're not just going to sit here and die."  My husband was not at service with me.  The Holy Spirit used him to make it clear to me.  My famine was coming to an end.   

The following week, I got 4 out of 5 days off work.  I got extra time with my son.  Extra time with my husband.  Extra time with my grandparents, cousins, parents, and with my church family.  I also had time to help various family members with major moves, overdue doctor's visits, and home improvement projects.  He perfected the things that concerned me and those around me.  My husband also got extra time off.  He is truly the Rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. 

I am so grateful for this message, for my church, and for God's hand on my life.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, nor entered into the heart of man--

the things God has prepared for those who love Him."

~1 Corinthians 2:9

 

"And we know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him."

~Romans 8:28

 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11   

     

Obedience

God has been dealing with me.  Calling on me to be obedient to His Word.  to His ways.  His purpose, His power, and His presence.  And ultimately, to His glory.  This ministry that is mine.  that is my life.  nobody (in the flesh) ever asked me to live it out.  I "inherited" it, so to speak.  and it is my joy.  my heartbeat.  it is in. my. blood.

When He called on me, when He chose me.  predestined me.  i need only to obey.

and i pray to Him:  {order my steps, Lord.}  guide me.  [lead me.]  reveal to me Your will.  so that i may obey.  use me, Lord.  ~show me signs and wonders.~  be ever-present.  i surrender.

and I pray:  thank You, Lord, for the women you've sent into my life to mentor me, and to provide a covering {a protection} over my life.

and i get this in the mail...

and i can't even.....

diligently seeking Him is what started this journey.  He has stretched me.  He has grown me.  He has compelled me to seek and obey.  Seeking and obeying is "different" than it was when i was less mature {in Him}.  The conviction I feel is intense.  His Spirit guides me strongly towards choosing right over wrong.  Life over death.  Words vs Silence.  

So here's my confession.  I inherited this ministry.  Seemingly be default.  And even though church membership was a requirement of leadership, I simply hadn't fulfilled the requirements, yet.  And I knew that I didn't have to.  Nobody would know.  But THAT voice--was NOT the voice of Truth.  so i took the class.  and it wasn't a "big deal" per se...except that it blessed my socks off!  being in a room of believers who love God, love people, and who love their church (MY church!) and it's vision???  YES, please!  

and even though i am already apart of a {not so} small group, i arranged for extra help at work so that i could ensure my church attendance, and go an hour earlier to attend a leadership class.  couldn't hurt, right?  He whispers {obedience} in my ear.  often.  as He reminds me: {you are qualified.}       

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." ~Hebrews 11:6 NKJV

"Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.  For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in Me." ~John 15:4 NLT

"For those God foreknew, He also PREDESTINED to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified." ~Romans 8:29-30 NIV 

why bother?

I find myself surrounded by irresponsible grown men...and paying the price for every single one of them.  What does this all mean? 

I just pray I can raise my own son to be a responsible man.  One who loves God.  who loves his wife.  and children.

it hurts to see them all wasting away.  are we too controlling?  should we just let them fall?  let them fail?  flat on their faces? 

i'm taking my name off the title.  if they take it away, so be it.  if they boot it, so be it.  if they put out a warrant and the warning is not heeded because he just can't remember to take care of it.  whatever.  I can't continue to save grown men from their own beds.

some of them make a slow turn well into their thirties.  others don't ever.  but everything up until then...utterly, painfully...agonizingly...wasted.  So many of their loved-one's resources, efforts set ablaze.  With not a second thought.  No remorse.  No conscience.  No apologies. 

so why do we keep caring?  why don't we just save ourselves?  because we're designed to nurture.  to save.  to always keep the hope that they'll pull through.  And maybe take care of themselves one day.  And then maybe take care of someone else too, some day.

My prayer:  Lord God, thank You for giving me a heart that cares.  A heart that wants to see Your best in the lives of the people around me.  Even if it means I myself get burned a thousand times.  Thank You for the example You set here on earth.  I faithfully follow the call on my life to love; thank You for numbering all of my days.  Thank you for placing the people in my life who need You most.  May they always see Jesus in me.  Amen. 

My own battle with addiction

"He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,

and broke their chains in pieces."

~Psalms 107:14 NKJV



December 23, 2012 was the day I quit smoking cigarettes.  I only remember because it was the last church service my little brother attended with me.  My husband and I had just had a distinct conversation about addiction.  We concluded, "how can we expect him to quit shooting heroin if we can't even quit smoking??"  My brother had barely made it through service; he nods off when he's high.  He nodded off a whole lot during that morning's 9am service.  We get back to the car in the parking lot, after service, and he starts to light up a cigarette; I snap at him, "what are you doing?"  He retorts, "what?" 

"Can you please not light up in the church parking lot, for goodness sakes??" 
"Sorry..."

I drop him back off at our parents' house; he's wasn't working at the time because he couldn't be trusted with any money.  We thought maybe that would prevent him from using.  It instead just made him more conniving.  He found ways to sneak around, lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, anything it took to score one hit.  It's still a mystery how much he has stolen from my parents.  The last time my dad asked him to leave, he found credit card statements a month later with cash-advances charged by my brother on grocery runs.  Since my dad is disabled, I'm sure it was easier to have my brother run into the store to pick up a gallon of milk for my son, on the days that they would help watch him while I was at work.  He took full advantage.  We're still not completely sure how he did it.  My dad thought it was safe to hand him the plastic instead of cash.  That day my dad asked him to leave, he was just in the next room.  My brother often stepped out back to smoke a cigarette.  My mom had gotten home early from work, and noticed the car was missing from the street, where it was normally parked to the side of the house.  My dad was completely baffled.  How did he sneak the keys from the pocket of my dad's pants?  How did he leave without him hearing?  How long had he been gone?  How did he get the money?  Who is he getting it from?  How did he get in contact with the dealer?  How many times has a drug dealer been to our house and know where we live?  Seen our nice cars parked in the driveway?  How? What? Where? How many?  How long?  WHY?????

So much effort has been expended into investigating my brother's schemes.  We're all so worn out.  Burned out.  Starting to feel numb by the constant presence of the devil in my brother's midst.  He allows the darkness into all of our lives, by allowing it into his own.  It's so unfair. 

They say quitting cigarettes is harder than quitting heroin.  I wouldn't know, because I've never been on heroin.  But I do know they allow cigarettes in prison.  They allow cigarettes in rehab.  And I've heard it's because it's impossible to treat nicotine addiction.  That's why all of these cigarette companies have been able to figure out how to capitalize on it further...by providing a "safer" alternative.  I agree the vapor/e-cigs are "safer" than regular cigarettes that contain tobacco and a gazillion toxic chemicals, but it is still an addiction.  It's still substance abuse.  I pray it doesn't create a new phenomenon of an accepted form of substance abuse, like so many other habits that have been integrated into society.

I decided I was going to lay it at Jesus' feet.  And see if He could help me quit.  {of course, He did!}Every time I had an urge, I prayed "Lord, I lay it at Your feet.  Please take it from me."  I had recalled this intriguing, very well-written blog post (I wish I could remember the blog title or blogger's name, so that I could bookmark it) in which she compared our giving up an idol as a sacrifice to Him.  She described how we could set it on fire, just as people had done in the Old Testament, and offer it to God as a sacrifice, and that the aroma would be pleasing to Him.  Craving by craving, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month...The Lord helped me resist each temptation.  I have not taken one drag of a cigarette since before that day.  I was not going to be made a hypocrite.  If it's not good enough for my church's parking lot, it's not good enough for God, and He expects more of me.  I answer to a Higher Authority.  I had been smoking cigarettes, on and off, since I was 15.  I "quit" multiple times, but this time I knew, I was done forever.  Because I cannot take something back that I had given up to God.  He took it from me.  And it is done.    

 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

~2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

 



C is for Cooper

Cooper is happiest on the train tracks & he loves his Mommy.
Photo captured by: Angelica Plata of AngePlata Photography

Four years ago, at midnight, my husband, step-son, and I loaded up our SUV and headed to the hospital.  My mom met us there.  We endured 14 hours of labor, and at 2:16pm on Friday, July 17, 2009, my baby boy was here. 8lb 11oz.  Healthy, strong, and beautiful.

Everyday he shows me how God's hand is upon his life.  He was created to do great things.  He is proof that God exists, that God is always good, and that God is always faithful.

C is for Charming.

C is for Charismatic.

C is for Caring.

C is for Considerate.

C is for Courageous.

C is for Comedian.

C is for Cooper.

He is everything I could have ever hoped for, dreamed of, or believed for in a son.  And I am incredibly blessed he calls me "Mommy."  I am over-the-moon, madly in love with him.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us," ~Ephesians 3:20

Hearing from God

I received three separate messages today from three different pastors...one in the morning, before church...another in church, and a third on my way to work.  Every single one had the same exact message.  I highly doubt these three pastors got together and coordinated their sermons.  God literally aligned these three messages to speak directly to me.  Even the prophetic word, directly from God, during service, revealed the same message.

"All things work together for the good of those who love Him..." 

~Romans 8:28  

ALL things work TOGETHER for the GOOD of those who LOVE HIM!"  We don't have the answers.  Only He knows how everything is going to come together.  Our perspective is not the same as His.  He sees everything.  He's making it all work together.  He has all the pieces.  It's ALL apart of His plan.  Even the things that hurt.  Even the things that cause us pain.  Even when it seems He's just letting things happen.  He allows things...even evil things...He actually uses evil...to ultimately bring Him glory.  We only need to be still.....

For the past couple of weeks, Psalm 26:10 has popped up EVERYWHERE...

"Be still and know that I am God."  

It was so obvious to me--God was sending me a sign of things to come.  Not that He meant it for good or bad, either way.  Only that He has everything completely under control.  I would only have to believe Him.  Good things and bad things, it seems, have been happening.  And I've been able to rest in Him.  Praising Him for all of it.  Yes, the good and the bad.  Because I trust Him.  I really, really trust Him.  He is sending me signs and wonders.  ME.  Little ol' me.  How amazing is His love for me.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things will be added unto you." 

~Matthew 6:33

I have been doing His work.  The work that matters to Him.  The work that He has called me to do.  And He is literally taking care of the rest.  Business has been the best it's been since we returned to our "home" location.  He's been convicting my husband's heart.  Even by allowing pneumonia in his lungs...I'm praying and hoping and believing that it can be a powerful sign to my husband to quit smoking.  I want so badly for it to be a strong enough reason.  If it takes my little brother hitting rock bottom...again, to finally seek His face...so be it.  I am getting countless opportunities to minister the Word of God to him.  And even if it doesn't take instantly...the fact that I'm sending The Spirit of God into the atmosphere--speaks to God's heart.  I seek His face in despair   I seek His face in delight.  I delight in Him.  I delight in His Presence.  I praise Him in the good times.  I praise Him in the difficult times.  I am transformed. And I am being continuously transformed in His likeness.  How incredibly blessed I am to be chosen by Him to advance His kingdom.  I am exactly where He wants me to be.  When my will is aligned with His will, life is good.  My will is to do His will.  Life is good.  Thank you, Father.

"Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 

"This is the way; walk in it."

~Isaiah 30:21

My Heart

YOU created me this way~on purpose.

I started a Bible Study with a few of my dear sisters about five weeks ago.  It was a divine appointment.  The first lesson touched on captivity and allowing God to eradicate strongholds in our lives.  I thought to myself, "I don't know if this Study is for me.  Strongholds?  I don't have an issue with that at all."  But as we studied on, each lesson opened my eyes to the invisible chains holding me down, preventing me to grow as a person, through communion with God, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit.  I have been introduced to concepts that I had never even considered as being obstacles in my walk with Him.  Unbelief.  Idolatry.  Feeling Unloved.  This Study has reached the depths of my soul, revealing the sources of fears I never knew I had, while also revealing The Source of strength to overcome those fears, uncertainties, and insecurities.  I've noticed that when I seek Him, He reaches me instantly, resolving unsettled feelings.  Feelings I can't put into words.  Feelings that have been holding me captive.  

"Though we live in the world {flesh}, we do not wage war as the world {flesh}does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world {flesh}.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

~2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Last week, I shared with my sisters a struggle I was having with some recently-developed insecurities.  They came out of nowhere.  Brought me down to my knees.  Somehow, my natural mind conjured up a set of self-fulfilling prophecies.  I lost sight of His will.  Grew selfish in my own fleshy desires.  This week's lesson was God-appointed.  It put into words these unsettled feelings I couldn't put my finger on; I only knew I was in a place of such great pain.

"All of us have insecurities, even the most outwardly confident people we know...The fear or the feeling of being unloved is probably our greatest source of insecurity."1 Wow.  I couldn't find the words, and there they were.  How does He do it?  Because He is Who He says He is.  He is able.  He is God.  He created me; how could He not know?  How could He not allow failure, in  my own strength?  How could He not bring me through it?  His will is to have His Name glorified forever.

Then Job replied to The Lord: 

"I know that you can do all things; 

no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  

You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?'  

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, 

things too wonderful for me to know.  

You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; 

I will question you and you shall answer me.' 

My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.  

Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

~Job 42:1-6

I was blessed by a message I heard from one of the best speakers I know, Crystal Sparks.  In this message, she said, "when you think you've got it all together.  when you think you're doing it all by yourself.  when you've just gotten comfortable with where you are, comfortably treading water in shallow waters...God will reach down, pluck you up and drop you into deeper waters."  She said, "when you feel like you're in over your head, you're in a season of growth."  Thank you, God, for growth.  If You didn't believe in me, You wouldn't be growing me.  Your love and faithfulness is unfailing.  Thank You for choosing me.  

1Living Free: Learning to Pray God's Word by Beth Moore
*photo credit1
*photo credit2






    

He Ate

It's been a tough week.  My baby boy has not been well since his birthday.  His body was attacked by a virus that caused his mouth to have sores in and on his mouth, making it impossible for him to eat for over a week.  His little body fought as hard as I've ever seen it fight.  For six days, he had a high fever.  He was losing weight right before me eyes, having only enough energy to be held.

I cried out to The Lord, through tears of heartache.  I laid hands on my baby, praying for the healing power of The Holy Spirit to enter his body and take away the pain.  

And when he finally ate, he ate blended soup, in the form of baby food...

And we celebrated!  We rejoiced, high-fived, and sent praises up to The Almighty!  

After canceling his birthday party, not once, but twice...two weeks in a row, I'm still just happy he ate.  Even though we've been to our pediatrician more in the last week than we have in the last year, my baby ate.  I am so grateful.  Thank you, God.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, 

do it all for the glory of God.

~1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV

For He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;

He has not hidden His face from him but has listened to his cry for help.

~Psalm 22:24 NIV

THREE

Photograph by: Jocelyn Sexton

My baby boy turns three, today.  THREE!!!  My first thought is, "I can't believe it's been three years, already; I can still remember the moment I laid eyes on him, like it was yesterday.  On the other hand, I can't believe it's been ONLY three years since he's been in my life, because I was born to be his mother.  God wrote him into my story, actually, before I was born.  He has always been apart of me.  Apart of us.  Our family, as *un-traditional* as it is, a piecemeal of broken homes, provides an infinite amount of love for my Cooper.  He has brothers and sisters who love him more than anything, as they see their father, in a brand new season of life, starting all over again.  With a renewed sense of purpose.  One that is propelled by pure joy and countless blessings.  

Our hearts are full of gratitude for this life of love.  

We are looking forward to the plans You have laid out for us.  

Thank You for taking such good care of us, Lord.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well...

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-14,16 NIV

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

  

Too Good to be True

How could I possibly thank Him enough?  He placed a dream in my heart.  Lead me to it, step-by-step.  Made a way.  Made it come true.  And now, He's changing the seasons.  And I look forward to the next dream.  The next miracle.  The next season.  With gratitude and anticipation.  With complete trust.  Humbled to my knees by His Greatness.  His Mercy.  His Faithfulness.  Sometimes, it can seem like it's too good to be true...and then, I realize nothing is too good for His children. 

"All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." ~Romans 8:28

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a Rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."

~Hebrews 11:6

Not Yet

The first time I asked my husband if I could go to church, he responded, "okay, but you're not taking my son with you."  It weighed heavily on my heart, the impossibility of winning this battle.  My dear friend encouraged me, "it is not your mountain to move."  I didn't even really know what that meant. 

Then, there was a new deal.  "As long as you don't preach or try to save me..."  But the transformation in me has been too great.  The parables and the scripture verses spill out of my mouth unwarranted.  The positive perspective and grateful heart I have is contagious.  God is softening his heart, too.  And he can't help but want what I have.  That's the greatness of our God.  He wants the best for each of us.  We need not worry about "how" or "when."  It will happen, because He always keeps His promises.  Always.  Period.

So, after a year of growing in my faith and maturity, my husband agreed our son could be dedicated to The Lord.  It's funny how God and my husband both knew I wasn't ready a year ago.  I needed every single message, every relationship, every encounter to bring me closer to Him.  To speak to my heart.  To test my conviction.  To know that I know that I know, that He is The Way and The Truth and The Life.

Prayers only go unanswered when you stop praying and lose heart.  You can pray and not worry. Prepare your heart and seek Him.  On purpose.  It will come to pass when He decides you're ready.     

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

As I prepared a "lesson" to share with my mother's group, High Point Church Mama Chiks, I revisited a script that I wrote about a year ago, and I am in awe of the transformation He has made in me.

I've rewritten it, and the scripture references came to me like I've known them all my life.  I remember how hard it was to find them the first time I wrote that script.  It was one of my favorite lessons, and one that I learned a lot from myself.

I also realized how much "blogging it out" has helped in my transformation. (Thank you, mamahall, for encouraging me to do so.)  I ended up borrowing a lot of the references I made from my blog.  It was like a "works cited" page right at my fingertips :).  The new version is even better, so I thought I'd share it.  Since I'm in the typing mood.

Last year, we were introduced to the book Momology, by Shelly Radic.  The thesis of this book is that Motherhood is part art, part science, all faith, and a constant work in progress.  It provides commentary to a couple of important concepts taught in the Word.  First, that we are all wonderfully made.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well...Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” ~Psalm 139:13-14, 16

It also emphasizes the fact that we have all been specifically designed to match what our children need in a mother.  We were made for them, and they were made for us.  And we were all created in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27).

As mothers, we always feel as if we have to be strong enough.  For our children, for our husbands, for our parents, for everyone.  And oftentimes, we hold on to that “super-mom” title so tightly, we forget to ask for help.  We grow resentful of the people for whom we are being strong.  We have to learn to trust God with our lives.  To turn over control to Him. 

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31

If you have time to look up Matthew West’s song “Strong Enough" it has really powerful lyrics.  Have you heard it?  {I took the liberty of removing some repetitious words and verses.} 

“Strong Enough” by Matthew West

You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do on my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy, won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough for the both of us

Well, maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
'Cause when I'm finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up and reaching out

'Cause I'm broken, down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God and You are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
I don't have to be strong enough

Hands of mercy, won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough

When you feel like you have nowhere else to turn, turn to Him.  He will rescue you. 

 “I love you, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer…The cords of death entangled me, the torrents of destruction overwhelm me…In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.  From His temple He heard my voice…The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because He was angry.  He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me…He rescued me because He delighted in me.” ~Psalm 18:1-19

Take an index card.  Write down your strengths on one side and your weaknesses on the other…

The author of Momology says this, “If we’ve been specifically designed to match what our child needs in a mom, it only makes sense to focus on the strengths within that design.  Developing our strengths will allow us to be the best mom possible.  While being aware of and managing our weaknesses is good, constantly focusing on them is destructive, causing a breakdown in our self-perception and distorting the purposefully and wonderfully designed image we should have of ourselves."

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [weakness] away from me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  ~2 Corninthians 12:8-10 

Which side has the longest list?  Most people are more aware of their weaknesses. 

If you could choose only one list to cut and paste into your child’s brain, which side would you insert?  Duh, we’d all choose our list of strengths.  If we want to raise up confident, resilient, strong children, we have to live by example. 

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” ~Proverbs 22:6

Let’s make the same choices for ourselves and begin focusing on our strengths.  The book offers a great way to work on focusing on our strengths.  Here’s how…

First, know that each one of your weaknesses derives from one of your strengths.  I’ll give you an example.  I have a tendency to be impulsive.  I could say that this is one of my weaknesses.  But if I look at it from a strengths perspective, I may say that I am decisive.  It’s all a matter of seeing yourself in a positive manner, so that you can use your strengths more effectively.  Let’s say that you’re unorganized.  You don’t like schedules or planning or commitments.  If you focus on those negatives—viewing them as weaknesses, it can be self-destructive.  Instead, appreciate the flexibility you offer yourself and your family each day. 

Now, find the strength behind each weakness you think you have…Starting with the list you’ve made.  Beside each weakness you’ve written down, identify the strength from which it is derived.  It may be tricky to do, at first, but if you practice it enough, you will start to change the perception you have of yourself. 

Also, take time out of each day to spend time with God.  It will change your life.  I promise. 

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”  ~Deuteronomy 4:29